Living With a Dead Name: Vol. 4 Introductions

PASTPERSON: You don’t want me to call you A.B. right? I’ve known you as DEADNAME forever…

Me: Well, I do prefer it…

PASTPERSON: That’s just your professional name right?

Me: Well, not any more, I actually just got it legally changed, so it’s official!

PASTPERSON: But you won’t get mad if I don’t right?

Me: Mad? No, I mean, it’s just uncomfortable. I’m trying to think what it’s like… okay… so what if you walked into a room and everyone introduced you by your MIDDLENAME? That would feel weird right? They might say Oh! NEWFRIEND, have you met my friend MIDDLENAME? and you would would be sitting there thinking… That’s not my name. OH NO! Now that person is gonna think that that’s my name, and I wouldn’t mind so much if they weren’t so cool, attractive, funny, friendable, fuckable whatever but now they think that’s my name and I don’t want to correct PASTPERSON, or make them feel bad, and I don’t want to have to explain the whole story to NEWFRIEND with some cute anecdote about how I used to draw my name like that on every piece of art, so it’s ok that I don’t like my DEADNAME and that maybe just maybe I’m a little more neurotic than I’d like you to know right as we shake hands.

And then I realize that I was thinking all of that the whole time that I was shaking their hand instead of repeating their name “NEWFRIEND, her name is NEWFRIEND (wait… what are her/his/their pronouns), their name is NEWFRIEND,” which means, not only have I completely checked out of the conversation, I have missed out on how fabulous NEWFRIEND might be.

And maybe SOME PEOPLE wouldn’t care about all of that. And to that I have to say… ah, yes… THOSEPEOPLE are probably not gay. (This is the part where the gays laugh, because its true, but people who are not gay think I’m throwing shade at the gays, which I am… but they like it.) And I am pretty gay… so I definitely care.