Euphoria: Vol. 1 Pokemon Perfect
The first time that someone referred to me as he/him on Discord, a smile exploded across my face that took me by surprise. I don’t usually have people recognize my masculine side because I am very clearly femme/andro presenting both in my body and communication. Who knew I would have such a euphoric moment, all thanks to Pokemon GO.
I’d love to blame my kids and say that they got me into Pokemon GO, but that’s probably not exactly true. They have had Pokemon cards strewn across the floor since I met my rascals 4 years ago. They were annoying. It felt like every time I turned around I was finding them stuck to the juice spilled on the kitchen floor, swept into the dustpan, or crammed between the seats of my SUV. So, imagine my surprise when my friend Eunice and Alex individually talked about playing Pokemon GO. I decided to download it and see what the hullabaloo was about. I didn’t think I would get hooked… but here we are… 37 levels later.
On July 28th, I downloaded the app. My middle son helped me choose my team Valor (red because its our favorite color). Next, I got to choose my avatar. There are only two choices: short hair trainer (read male) and long hair trainer (read woman). I, of course, chose the short hair one, because… duh. I picked a bright orange jump suit, bright green glasses, and dangly earrings. As part of the game, you have to get friends and battle with and against them in gyms and against each other, so I joined the Discord server for Southern Illinois Pokemon Players (think social media for gamers if you aren’t familiar). As I was chatting and playing with players (who I have never met in person), they started referring to me as he/him.
In my daily life, I don’t go by those pronouns, I use they/them with people who can handle it and are close to me, and she/her with more casual acquaintances. In all honesty though… most of the time I feel like a dude. There are not too many moments when I feel particularly girly or feminine (though a wig and heels do get me there pretty quick). It is moments like these that I feel most at home in my skin or like my insides match my outsides. This is gender euphoria.
When I first thought of creating a blog series about gender euphoria, I thought, “What even is gender euphoria anyway?” I could understand it in relation to dysphoria, when you don’t feel like your identity matches your body or experience. I feel that sort of thing when people use my dead name, say things like “you’re pretty,” or call me “m’am.” Inside I go, “eww, that’s not me.” To be clear I LOVE FEMININE PEOPLE. I just don’t really consider myself one of them. Euphoria on the other hand, is akin to what it must feel like when my wife says “I’m feeling girly today,” or when my stepdad talks about being “manly.” I wanted to create a space to celebrate my non-binary euphoria in all its wacky nature and invite others to do the same.
So if you are a person who has experienced gender euphoria and would like to share your thoughts, or collaborate. I would LOVE to work with you. Send me a message!
